What now?

life after my 3-year MFA

If someone asked what “I’m up to these days?” I would probably say “watching my kids and painting.” Although 100% true, I wonder how this answer can actually be so removed from the reality and the complexity of a seemingly simple life as a stay-at-home mother/artist.

Yes, I am watching my kids. Right now they are dancing in front of the mirror to some pop song they requested Alexa to play. They are only 5-years-old but they are commanding and Alexa has certainly proved herself to be way more complacent than most humans.

When my husband comes home from work and asks me how my day was, I will probably tell him it went fine even though there were pockets of abismal doubt where I wondered if watching my kids dance to pop songs amounts to actually doing something.

But, look! I also finished this painting.

As someone who has a tendency for symmetry and with a compulsion to straighten crooked pictures on the wall, I have been debating whether I want to balance out the black lines on both sides, make them more “even.” As of now, the right feels heavier than the left and my eyes keep bouncing off from side to side instead of resting in a gestalt of sorts where a harmonious whole triumphs over the sum of the parts.

The painting was originally about Mexican Oaxacan huipil designs I have been lately obsessed with—their patterns, their weaving techniques, the graphic quality of their prints. Turns out it ended up being about the discomfort of the imbalanced reality it presents. The painting is now finished.

Some things may start as something and end up being about something else. I think my life is about motherhood and art. Turns out is about much more, an abundance of something that usually doesn't easily reveal. The story is in the nuance, in the pockets of information that lives in between what is left unsaid.

Welcome to the interstices.