Read This Before Reading Another 'What to Pack for Vacation' Post

on wearing your clothes and dressing for the life you have

A midi skirt worn during vacation to visit Joan Miró’s studio in Palma de Mallorca and a midi skirt at the grocery store as worn by Charlotte Casiraghi.

After returning from a trip to Turks and Caicos sometime in 2018, I wondered why I had put so much effort into dressing in fun clothes for vacation, yet hadn't applied the same effort when dressing for waiting in line at the post office on any cold day in March when winter seems to never end. During those times, dressing in what I call “load-bearing-wall-clothes” was what I needed the most—more than on vacation, where there are already many things to be excited about. Why was I layering dopamine in the form of clothes when I needed it the least and not leveraging it when I needed it the most? If life is finite and could be considered a vacation in its entirety, why not dress for it every single day? Whether lying on a hot beach in Mallorca or sitting in a cold dentist's chair.

I realized that the reason I had put so much effort into vacation dressing was precisely because my daily life was so lacking in personal style that vacation felt like an "opportunity" to break the cycle of leggings and t-shirts. Why so? At what point did I start treating fashion as "occasion" dressing?

And when did I begin to believe that the only occasions worth getting dressed for were vacations or parties?

An image from around 2018. Getting ready for a vacation, very chic desert aunt if you ask me. 1. White poplin dress (find it on Poshmark) worn over another white poplin dress (also on Poshmark). 2. A necklace I remembered buying at Chico’s while shopping for my mother-in-Law’s birthday present. Here’s a very similar Chico’s necklace with an Old Celine flair. 3. And Teva sandals I wore after seeing Cecilie Bahnsen put them out on a runway with puffy dresses.

It had never been like that before I became a mother and stopped working in an office setting. It was never like that when I lived in New York or Savannah or Barranquilla. Something changed with the rhythm of motherhood and being at home for long periods of time that pushed personal style to the back burner. Motherhood itself changed my body and identity in so many ways that looking back, I understand why I was in a state of shock that was reflected in my fashion choices. When my kids were 1 and 2, sleepless nights were followed by entire days spent in raggedy pajamas, and at 6 pm when the sun went down, I took a shower and got ready for another sleepless night in yet another fresh set of raggedy pajamas. A cycle you think will never end.

But it does end. Like those lines in the post office, during a cold day in march when winter seems eternal. It all ends. Now my girls are 8 and 9, mostly sleeping through the night. I have regained a lot of independence, and the chunks of time I get to myself have grown a little longer now that they go to school and have friends and activities that are way more interesting than spending all day with me. I have recovered the freedom to take long showers. And drink my coffee in one sitting. While still warm.

A day at the pumpkin patch back in probably 2019. Wearing my beloved Tibi oversized vest, which they recently re-launched in tropical wool here and a lush Japanese cotton blend here

Returning to a sense of “normalcy” also allowed me to start paying attention again to how I dressed and how I felt in the clothes I wore every day—not just for dates with my husband or thanksgiving dinner, but for school drop-offs, making art in my studio, target runs, workouts, school functions, doctors appointments, cheer practice, kids’ birthday parties. My real life. Not the one I saw on instagram. My life. A life worth dressing for. When I realized there is value in the mundane and that honoring it includes how I present myself, surprisingly, my whole life began to feel like an occasion to dress up. Just like vacation.

When I started exercising the “getting dressed muscle” I slowly gained some insight on who I was in this new life I was living (a mother, a wife, an artist.) I noticed that it felt better when I changed after my workout to run errands. I noticed that, if I didn’t have the chance to change after a workout to run errands, I could throw in a blazer or something that made my workout outfit more nuanced for the grocery store. other days I would read the cereal isle and try something Leandra was wearing because I found it exhilarating. And realize I felt like a caricature of Leandra. The next day I would try it again, tweak a few things and feel a sense of expansion, like I could tackle anything the day threw at me while feeling like myself. What I call power dressing.

An exercise on how to wear black without looking boring inspired by Leandra Medine. More examples here

I came up with my own principles. My adjectives. An understanding. A relationship with the inner self that crystallized in my dressed body. A connection I will cherish forever. So when vacation came again, I no longer felt the need to redefine myself or shop for an entire new wardrobe. Armed with the understanding I have gained about my style during the rest of the year when I was living life, I could simply look into my closet and choose from the pieces I had slowly been curating, wearing, thinking about, feeling in my body. And just throw them in a carry on.

Instead of asking myself, “What fashion period should I channel in Positano?” or “How do I dress like a French woman in Paris?” I started asking questions like:

• What is the vibe of the place I’m going and what do I have in my closet that fits both the vibe and my style principles?

• What is the color story for this trip?

• What kind of proportions do I want to work with?

• What kind of activities will I be doing during the trip? Swimming? Sightseeing? Hiking in the mountains? Scrolling your phone in peace on a pool chair?

• What is the weather going to be like? What kind of textures will work for such weather? and how can I mix textures to make my outfits more dimensional? Here is a texture matrix I worked on for my most recent trip to Mallorca in the month of June, which I will elaborate further on a future post.

From 2020 in Naples, FL. A dress by Matteau that I got for vacation but now also wear for Publix runs. Colombian handwoven mochila which you can find here.

The point here is that when you return from your trip, the clothes you bring back won’t sit in your suitcase for days, feeling like strangers to the person who is now home. That's because they aren't just vacation clothes; they are your clothes. They belong to the same person who left on a plane, enjoyed a few Negronis at the beach club, and returned to do laundry, catch up on mail, throw away the leftovers forgotten in the fridge before leaving, run to the grocery store to restock, water the plants, and get back to pilates. You will need your clothes, unpacked, washed, and ready to be worn again, to continue living your life. And I promise, when you look back at those pictures, you won’t feel like a mere souvenir of the place you visited, a fleeting image of a long-gone trend, or a memory of a dislocated self you inhabited for just a few days. Instead, you’ll see a continuation of who you are, the same person living a life stitched together with intention and presence, whether under foreign skies or the familiar ceiling of home.

Rose Hanbury at home. Photography by Julian Broad.

Final note: Your response to my previous Substack was overwhelming—I am so thankful for all your reads, follows, and comments. And that Amy Smilovic's repost? I cried in Spanish. And then wondered why I don’t write more often if it’s something I enjoy immensely (mostly once I’m done) and allows me to decongest my mind in a way that I can only compare to a gas station pit stop after sitting in the car for six hours straight. That stretch, that feeling of expansion and lightness in your muscles and joints. That’s how it feels. It also makes me feel like I’m putting my law degree to use 😩 so all that time and money spent on school wasn’t completely wasted (it was not, it never is). So yes, here is a second post. I decided to post on Fridays from now on as it is my favorite day of the week, and there’s really nothing remarkable about that, but it is what it is. Hope you love it. And stay for the (hopefully) long ride.