Decoding My Style Conlang
and why the "everything you like I liked 5 years ago” attitude might be making yours illegible.
I have adopted styles to feel different from the mainstream. I’ve indulged in the knowledge that I had the vision, that I saw potential before others did. When everyone was wearing ultra-sexy, I leaned into romance. When everyone was doing norm-core, I turned to Caribbean chic. When Kylie Jenner, whom I associated as the leader of the bandage dress movement, wore Céline in 2018, I stopped wearing the two things I had from the brand. But if in the impetus to separate myself from the bandage dress crowd I end up wearing an ample cottage-core dress, knowing that there is not a single pastoral bone in me, am I a daring countercultural visionary or merely an insecure, misguided soul?
Being different is cool, and bragging about reaching “everything you like I liked 5 years ago” status feels great. But have you ever tried finding the cause of the impulse to rebel against the mainstream? Is it that whatever the mainstream is wearing genuinely doesn’t align with your lifestyle? Is it that you no longer have a constant desire to either rebel or conform, as you have arrived at a blissful state of perennial personal style? Is it plain elitism?
At 41, one thing I have understood about style is that “modern,” defined simply as a mindless urge to be different for the sake of being different, cannot be my primary goal; otherwise, I risk becoming a different avatar every so often, an enterprise both expensive and ultimately silly.
Instead, “classic” has become a more aspirational adjective in my style grammar. Yes, we are creatives, we are curious, we love items that scream IYKYK, and more often than not, we should opt for the unexpected colored bag instead of the timeless black one everyone has. But rather than focusing on being a pioneer, I’ve made it a point to ensure that the majority of my style (and purchase decisions) are informed by my style grammar—a language I’ve built, with my own punctuation, a conlang of sorts informed by experiences like growing up in Barranquilla, observing how my mom carried herself, wholesome shopping sprees at Ross with my grandmother, connecting with Leandra Medine’s emotional dressing when I arrived in New York in 2012, discovering Amy Smilovic as a suburban mom, introspection, reading both InTouch and Joan Didion, learning from way too many shopping mistakes, breakups, limitations, body insecurities, Instagram, logging off Instagram, and becoming attuned to how clothes feel on my body when I walk, when I dance, when I sweat. An invented language with a loose set of pencil written-grammar principles, borderless in nature, allowing for some Spanglish and ephemeral TikTok slang (demure?) to permeate without rendering the whole thing illegible, whether I read it today or in 10 years. This style conlang’s adjectives are the following:
classic.
Not to be confused with boring: All things tried-and-true in 20 years of adult life, safe zones no guru will convince me to abandon, the archetypes: well-made trench coats, a good t-shirt, bicolor sling-backs, a sleek midi skirt.
Antonyms of classic: avant-garde for the sake of eccentricity, trying to reinvent the wheel.
Jeff’s suit jacket, sold out Zara organza midi skirt now on Depop, Naturalizer sling-backs. 
Old Mango trench coat, shiny hot pink leggings, Balenciaga kitten heels from 2019. 
Zara short sleeve sweatshirt (similar here,) thrifted skirt but looks like Tibi’s pull-on skirt, and Tibi’s Barry sandals now on sale 2. proportion-aware.
Anything sculptural, fabrics that create interesting shapes (triangles, cocoons, inverted triangles), big/slim/skin, leveraging the power of ankles/shoulders/wrists, gestalt.
Antonyms of proportion-aware: lack of rhythm, frumpiness, clothes that don’t fit, disingenuous sexiness.
chill.
Effortless, “not dressed, not not dressed,” relaxed, undone hair with more formal clothes and vice versa, dressing for the life I have, restraint.
Antonyms of chill: shoes that hurt my feet, eccentricity for the sake of attention-seeking, conspicuous logos of brands I don’t connect with, being unbothered by context or what the occasion calls for, spending above my means, a bifurcated closet.
Perhaps the reason why I am less interested in the “what you like I liked 5 years ago” mentality is because, if in 5 years I am still liking what the mainstream is just now catching up on, I won’t stop wearing it misguided by the idea that mainstream=stylistically inferior. Such an attitude is not just nonsensical; it’s the enemy of personal style—the antithesis of true individuality.
Gorgeous outfits, Laura! Your newsletter brought back memories of trying to be a contrarian when visiting Korea in my teens/early 20s to express my rejection of social norms which really was - you nailed it - insecurity at their rejection of me. Back then, it was dressing in a revealing way to go against their modest, conservative and uniform dressing norms. It took me a while to work through the identity crisis but now I just go there as me, along with a healthy dose of respect and consideration for my environment.
I love all of your looks. Especially your take on classic style that still has little pops of color and individuality. Reading this I realized that my tendency is to dress a bit oddly because of the way I was raised and I’m kind of always fighting against that and trying to look more “normal”. Or I guess i’m looking for the balance between the urge to be weird because of my upbringing and what is really me and just my own self-expression.